An Armadillo On The Grill

[ASIDE: When I was in the Army before marrying my wife, I was stationed
in El Paso during 1969-1971. In Juarez, Mexico as a joke I bought a purse that
was made from an armadillo. The body was curled up to form the purse, and the
armadillo's head and two front feet were prominently mounted onto the lid of the
purse. They were sold as novelty souvenirs to American tourists. You had to see
one of these purses to believe it, but such armadillo purses are real. With that
background information, on to the poem!]

Last night, after Aunt Nellan's birthday party over at Hico,
driving home on dark country roads, we hit an armadillo.
The car ahead of us had already struck it a glancing blow,
causing it to be jumping up and down when we hit it also.
It was in obvious pain; so it was merciful that we hit it again.

My sweet wife, teary-eyed, "I hate to make any animal dead!"
Arriving home late, she was still sad as she headed off to bed.
I had to take Rusty and Pepper for their nightly walk instead.
On walks with the dogs, some great ideas pop into my head.
This one was more of a curse, recalling my armadillo purse.

It was a souvenir from Mexico -- really cute...all right, really tacky.
I don't know why men do what we do, especially things wacky,
but I just knew wedging that old purse into the SUV's front grill
would be hilarious to my wife. "She'll laugh. I'm sure she will."
Into the grill the purse slid, with armadillo head and feet on its lid.

This morning my sweet wife entered the garage... fainted dead away!
Watching this, I panicked. What should I do? What should I say?
Doing the truly manly thing, the armadillo purse I quickly hid.
I could get elected to the Men's Hall Of Fame for what I next did.
I awakened my wife with concern, like I needed the cause to learn.

"In the dim light I thought I saw that armadillo embedded in our grill."
Said I, "A classic case of 'Guilt-associated Hallucination' from still
feeling so sad from last night. I've read all about this on the Internet."
She seems to be buying it thus far! She hasn't caught on to me yet,
but from her looks, learning of the purse, it'd be my goose she cooks!

Harry Edward Gilleland      02.20.03