Adventures At The Mall
On Sattiday my wife and I decided to venture to
the shoppin’ mall. Well, we wuz gawking as we do
at all the weirdos abounding there - you know,
the teenagers having twenty-two body piercings so
they now talk...and walk...funny, women with buzz haircuts,
those twelve-year-old girls with so much make-up whats
it makes ‘em look like French whores, that galloping grey herd
of old-timers doing their laps around the mall, those absurd
fifty-year-olds dressed like Britney Spears, and all the rest.
My wife had done picked out this here T-shirt she liked the best,
so I’m awaiting in the Women’s department while she tried
it on for size. That’s when I done got slapped for saying “fried”.
A woman was standing nearby wearing a shirt that said “Guess”
on the front. So’s I guessed “Egg-sized...fried”. Did I mess
up? After she whopped me up side my head, “45" I guessed
for her age. She hauled off and slapped me again, all the while
yelling “36, only 36". Then I figured it out. With a big ole smile
I said “210 pounds”. Megaslap!! I didn’t play her game no more,
because all her slapping on me had done made my face be sore.
Besides, my wife said the T fit and was ready to head out the door.
Harry Edward Gilleland 08.20.02