Dealing With Urban Pests

In Trafalgar Square so mightily did the pigeons flock
that authorities banned the vendors selling seed -
their numbers to thin. But tourists view them like ‘that clock’ -
where pigeons rest on lions’ heads is a sight to see, indeed.

They are pests, a nuisance spreading filth and disease.
A city must establish strict controls to serve the public good.
An American city council meets: “Let’s come to order, please.
Our committee recommendation goes to the mayor, understood?”

“The best way to rid our downtown of these unwanted pests
is simply kill them. Poisoned food should do the trick!
Since they are filthy, spread some diseases, I would guess
most city dwellers will agree to do whatever gets rid of them quick.

Though tourists all expect to see them when sightseeing downtown,
the way they annoy constantly underfoot and begging for food
since they eat off the street does make my suggestion sound
almost reasonable. Seeing them flopping around sick would be crude

and dead bodies littering our city streets would elicit strong protests
from bleeding heart liberals. Okay, so we can’t kill them! We can
still herd them together, trap them, take them by truck out west
to California and set them free. Now I really like that plan!”

“Your plans have some appeal,” he laughs, “but let’s be serious now.”
After hours of heated discussion, the mayor was sent this plan:
The city will give $100 and a one-way ticket to anywhere for a vow
to leave permanently. This should get rid of many a homeless man.

Harry Edward Gilleland      08.01.02